How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
