god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
