I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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