Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
