he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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