THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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