whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
