I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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