I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
