So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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