just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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