i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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