I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
