Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
