your parents love me but you hate me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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