she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Boobs speak an international language.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
