Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize