did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As shirtless as possible
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
