I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
