lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
