Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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