You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
