I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Two words: nipple clamps
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