He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
