and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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