So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
