She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
