I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
