put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
