i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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