and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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