Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
