just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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