just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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