I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
