Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
