He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
