his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
