WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
