Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
