no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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