soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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