He kissed a someone with a penis
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
