I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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