I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
