Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
