you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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