dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
