If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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