First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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