Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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