If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize