i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
