maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
