On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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