you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
