I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
