separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
