Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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