Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
