i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
