I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize