she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
