Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
