Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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