She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
