cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize