I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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