found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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