im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
