why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
