Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Life is so much better after having sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
