Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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