Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
