i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize