Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
