we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
