I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
