He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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