in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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