You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
