I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
